Papa Ces

Good listening takes skill and understanding. But oftentimes even when we are listening, we may do stuff that make the speaker to feel we are not.

The effect is, definitely, that we’re not being nice nor are we connecting to the individual in a manner in which he or she sees us as listening.

We shall look at ten behaviors that the listener often understands as not paying attention.

But first I’d like you to stop reading and grab a piece of paper and pen.

Now imagine the following situation. You are speaking. This can be in a more formal situation where you are doing most or all of the talking, such as a speech or presentation. Or it could be informal such as standing around with a group of friends shooting the breeze, or sitting and having a one-to-one discussion.

Regardless of the situation, at the moments you are speaking, what are the things the people who should be listening to you do that bother you? Things that you are consciously aware of that you find irritating. Most likely you don’t say anything about them, but they are clearly bothering your talk.

Be specific. Write down what people do or say that may mean, “I’m not getting you.”

When you are done with your list, go back and circle the two you find the most bothering. These two are the most common faults of your listeners that you should find ways to counter.

Probably, some of the things you will find in your list are the following:

1. Interrupting
2. Lack of eye contact
3. No response
4. Holding side conversations (in audience situation)
5. Answering a call from a cellphone.
6. Appearing impatient
7. Completing the speaker’s sentences or answering a question before the speaker has finished asking it.
8. Abruptly changing the subject
9. Multitasking: texting; reading the mail, newspapers, reports, etc.
10. Nervous mannerisms: cracking knuckles, twisting hair, tapping fingers, etc.